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Talk:Four Warriors Cometh (Remastered - Part the First)/@comment-2142396-20190331083236
Wow, I see you took a running start with FWC! :D I love that the prologue drops the reader right into the middle of the story without wasting any time for introductions. It was an interesting experience reading this after where we left in TWB, because while we have general knowledge of what happened in the final of TWB, there is a lot of info still missing, and piecing it together is like gathering a puzzle. However, I kind of wish that we've seen more of Brek and Gingivere before the jail break, maybe them finding out about Sayna and Tynek's capture or planning their escape; otherwise, the events seem to be somewhat rushed when Sayna and Tynek are given the hope of escaping practically in the same chapter they are captured. Afterwards the pacing improved and became more natural, so that would be my only criticism. Can I say again that Verdauga is amazing? I liked him in TWB, but he is even more awe-inspiring here, and he practically radiates strength, authority and will-power in every scene he appears in. And the reason Verdauga let Sayna and Tynek live is because he planned to experiment on them to see if he could create his own Bloodwrathers to serve him? That's an ambitious goal, but the scary thing is that I think he could have succeeded, though in my opinion the hardest part of it would've been controlling the Bloodwrath and not recreating it. If a mouse possessed with Bloodwrath can cause so much destruction, imagine what an out of control fox or stoat would do! :o Now I can't help but wonder if Verdauga had already planned to exploit his enemies' Bloodwrath when he arrived to Badrang's keep in TWB or is it something he came up with later... Oh, and kudos to you for blindsiding the readers about Tsarmina! Not only she is not even mentioned once in TWB, but when we see her in FWC she gives an impression of being lazy, spoiled and not exactly overly intelligent, and most certainly not a treat. But even though I haven't read past chapter 3, I already know that everyone, including Verdauga, gravely underestimated her. It's ironic that it were Sayna and Tynek's escape that caused Tsarmina to be punished, which I predict would be what would spur her into taking matters into her hands and killing Verdauga, and I just have to ask whether Gingivere deliberately set his sister up so that the blame would fall on her or whether it was just an unfortunate concourse of circumstances... I didn't expect that it would be Gingivere of all people who would orchestrate Sayna and Tynek's escape, to be honest! I don't know what I expected, since I guessed that you would most likely remove Gonff, Columbine and a bunch of other canon characters, but I certainly didn't expect this. Gingivere matured so much since he was introduced in TWB. When he first appeared in TWB, he was well-meaning but very much unsure of his future and his place in the world, with only dreams but no real plan of action. Now, I can actually see a prince with his own agenda that works hard to create a better future for all of his subjects, and the subtle displays of his humanity, like how he casually makes sure Tsarmina’s former slaves are taken care of, really make him so admirable. Oh, and Brek! I liked Brek before, but I think that I can now admit that he became one of my favourite characters in the whole trilogy. In TWB, he was amusing and funny, but he grew up so much in this time skip. He is only 14, and yet he went through so much and has so much to handle, and after believing that both of his sisters had died, he couldn't even reveal to Sayna that he was alive. *hugs the precious bean* However, why exactly couldn't Brek reveal his identity to Sayna? My assumption is that he was afraid that if he revealed himself, Sayna would insist that he escaped with them or even try to make him come with them by force, and Brek needed to stay in Kotir for the plan – and for future Gingivere's plans, - to work, but that's only my guess. And who would've thought that getting out of Kotir would be less dangerous than actually reaching Bella? I know how much Whegg's guards risked by smuggling Sayna and Tynek out, but Dancer's crossing of half-frozen river Moss and following confrontation with Amber was much more intense to read. Speaking about Amber, she really took the definition of 'bad-tempered' to a whole new level! She had always been war-like and spiteful in your interpretation, and I can understand her hatred toward vermin, but there she was ready to kill two half-frozen woodlanders that are actually on her side of the war! And when one of the squirrels under Amber's command tried to stop her, it was because he realized that Sayna and Tynek had golden fur, not because he saw the killing of two helpless woodlanders as morally wrong. Or have Amber and her tribe eventually developed the mentality of considering everyone who associates with Kotir as Verdauga's accomplices, even if they are servants or slaves? This makes me wonder how Amber would treat Redfarl when she learns that her own daughter actively assists the prince of Greeneyes in his plans... I also liked the addition of kelpies to the plethora of fantastic species of Saynaverse – and besides, if there are highly aggressive carnivorous magic horse-creatures guarding the border between Kotir and Mossflower, it’s one more solid reason for Kotirians to be terrified of the river. ;P It was really sad to see Sayna so broken and desperate. Not only she thinks that both of her siblings are dead, but she also blames herself for everything that happened to the point of being sure that she should never become a leader again, lest it cause another disaster. And even though I take it that Sayna’s quest ended with Badrang’s defeat, I can easily see why she would think so. When Sayna says that her only purpose in life is to kill Verdauga and she doesn’t care what happens to her afterwards, that really resonated with me for some reason. I didn’t expect you to keep the whole ‘reforging the swords’ theme, though, because the purpose of Sayna and Tynek’s trip to Salamandastron was to bring reinforcements to free Mossflower as much as to reforge their swords. Though the swords themselves are going to set up a very exciting plotline for TWB – for example, I'm curious how Tynek managed to recover the Kingsword, and how the swords were broken. Since Sayna says that she scarred her paws by catching a sword by the blade, so... what if she actually broke one of the swords with her bare paws? Considering her Bloodwrath, it's quite possible. I love how you portrayed the bond between Sayna and Dancer and that it’s way more prominent there than in TWB – after all, Dancer isn’t just Sayna’s best friend, but at this stage in her life, she is pretty much her only friend as well and closest she has to a family. However, I noticed that while Sayna worried about Dancer when they were escaping and was clearly terrified to leave her friend after they crossed river Moss, she never once asked about Dancer after she and Tynek were brought into Bella’s home, and that’s considering that Dancer was almost literally freezing to death when they were separated. Of course, Sayna knew that Dancer was going to be cared for by Mossflowerians, and I suppose Dancer is more sturdy than normal horses due to being half-unicorn, but I think it would’ve been more natural for Sayna to show more concern for her friend. Oh, and another quick question – is it possible for a unicorn to be feral? Dancer said that she pretended to be non-intelligent when they were captured by Verdauga’s soldiers, but aren’t unicorns supposed to be super rare, even rarer than pegasi? It’s just that I didn’t think that a unicorn could actually be feral… Oh dear, the story behind Groddil's disappearance became so much more heart-wrenching now! It had always been dark, but now... If you ever decide to rewrite 'A War from Inside', it's going to be so depressing. :o And it’s not even the fact that Groddil’s bad leg and wrist appear to be completely mangled now that scares me, but the thought of what Groddil had to go through in the captivity that scarred him so much. And since it appears that Groddil either lost his ability to use magic or at the very least is weakened to such a state that using magic pains him, I shudder to imagine the amount of mental torture he went through. And Stargazer... Stargazer is actually dead now? :o And it would take some time for me to get used to Groddil being referred as renowned Prophet who freed Salamandastron from Ungatt Trunn and single-handedly cleansed the north from Necromancers. Well, we knew that Groddil possessed incredible power both in his days as Necromancer and as a Prophet, and both Aimon and Luna showed a lot of respect for Groddil, but the scale of his accomplishments is truly amazing when it’s put that way. Though it also makes me wonder why the Necromancers that captured Groddil didn’t kill him at once… I suppose them being sadistic creeps wanting to break Groddil’s spirit and humiliate him above anything may be an answer to that. :o There are also several inconsistencies for me to nitpick, but I suppose it's just the result of TWB being only on its second draft, and they will be fixed in the final version. For example, Sayna mentions that she spent most of her kithood learning to read in Old Mossflowerian script, but considering that Urran was terrified that Sayna would find out the truth about her heritage and thus avoided any topic of Mossflower, going as far as removing pages from history books, I don't really see him teaching his children Old Mossflowerian script. However, it's quite possible that Groddil could've taught Sayna of it if he were mentoring her for years as he did in the first version... Secondly, I remember how much Brek freaked out when he found out that Gingivere was eating fish, and he confirmed that his family is vegetarian, but when Sayna recovers in Bella’s home, she munches on dried fish without a second thought. ;P But as I already mentioned, this is really minor, and I’m very excited to continue. :D